I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i think i just lost a toe
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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