if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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