i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
