its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
