Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
