Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
