don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
