My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
