forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Less talking, more tequila
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
