You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
