this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
