So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
