you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
