I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
