fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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