I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
