There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
