mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
