I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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