we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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