No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
