I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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