What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
