U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
