i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
