Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
