A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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