I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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