Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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