walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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