I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
