i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize