Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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