i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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