i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
