chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
