My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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