Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize