This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
