Pants 0. Shit 1.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
