my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
