GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
