Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
