Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I need moral support for this bender
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
