What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
