I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
