Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
