Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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