Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
