There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
