You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
