he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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