are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
