I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
