just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize