Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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