Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
