i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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