Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
