During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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