found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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