I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You left your phone here
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