the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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