As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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