How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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