So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
