and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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