you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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