I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
