And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We have started to decorate penises.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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