He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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