I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize