I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
