I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
