man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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