Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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