i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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