I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
