I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
