im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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