Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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