I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize