i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
