I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
