you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
