how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's just like the Real World with babies
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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