Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
