Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
