He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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