u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
