So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
