her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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