how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
