i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
