So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
