Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my shit smells like andre
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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