I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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