she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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