Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
