Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
