i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
