We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
