grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
