I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
