The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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